And the World Champions are… the Philadelphia Phillies? Huh? No offense to Phillies fans, but that wasn’t how this was supposed to play out. That’s not a nice, family-friendly ending. The Rays were supposed to win! It was supposed to be a turn-around for the ages! It was supposed to be a Hollywood Ending! The underdog triumphing over the (only one World Series Title in over a hundred years) titanic juggernaut! This was the movie season, the one where everything clicks, and everything works out in the end! This was The Rookie, Remember the Titans, Rudy… the list goes on. This was not supposed to be Friday Night Lights.
Whew, I’m glad that’s out of my system. If your screen is not saturated with the sarcasm laced within that opening paragraph, I’ll spell it out for you: T-H-E R-A-Y-S D-I-D N-O-T D-E-S-E-R-V-E T-O W-I-N T-H-I-S S-E-R-I-E-S. And I don’t mean that in the “they were out-hit, out-pitched, out-played” way, either. I mean that in the same way that I’ll turn around and say the Phillies did not deserve to win the World Series, which is the same way the Chicago Cubs (and their fans) do not deserve to win a World Series. The team that plays the hardest, and wins the right games, when it matters, is the team that deserves to win. Doesn’t matter if you’ve never won more than 71 games in a season, or if you had only won a single World Series (that’s less than the Cubs, FYI) in over a century. Franchise history does not dictate worthiness to become World Champions. That only happens in the movies.
Which brings me to the meat of this particular column. When the Rays made the playoffs (and then the ALCS, and then the World Series), you couldn’t turn on ESPN, or read a sports page, without seeing/hearing/reading the phrase “Hollywood story/ending” or any number of derivatives. And that got me thinking. Is there some sort of link between baseball and Hollywood? Anyone who’s followed Kevin Costner’s career would say yes (By the way, I would like to take this time to say that if the sequel to Bull Durham is ever made, this writer will act as if it does not exist. I’m currently doing it with the imaginary third Indiana Jones sequel that all these people keep pretending exist, I’ll do it with Bull Durham 2). But what if there’s more? What if there’s some far-reaching conspiracy, designed to connect the outcome of the Major League Baseball season with expectations given to us by the movies?
As far as I’m concerned, there’s only one way to test this: Compare the best movie of the year (the Winner of the Oscar for Best Picture) and the best baseball team of the year (the Winner of the World Series). It’s not a perfect formula, but I did this for the past twenty years, and I think you’ll be surprised at some of the results. And yes, I know that the Oscars are given to movies released the previous year, but we’re going with the year they are awarded. You know, for scientific purposes. Also, if you haven’t seen some of these movies, there WILL BE SPOILERS! I’m not going to go out of my way to ruin the movie for you, but for some of the connections, it’s necessary. Anyway, here they are, from most recent (Phillies last night) back to 1989 (Oakland Athletics). Due to length, I’m going to run this list as three columns; this one, which has 2008-2005, and then another in a day or so that will contain 2004-1997, and then the finale a few days after that which will have 1996-1989. So now that I’ve got you for a week, let’s get started.
2008- Best Picture: No Country for Old Men World Series: Philadelphia Phillies
It’s our first one, and it’s fitting that it kind of proves my point right off the bat. Coming into the season, the Phillies had multiple former-MVPs (Jimmy Rollins last year, Ryan Howard in 2006). Going into production, No Country had multiple former Oscar Winners (The Coen Brothers for Fargo and O Brother, Where Art Thou?, and Tommy Lee Jones for The Fugitive). Coming out of the season, the Phillies could have another MVP (Howard again), while No Country picked up more Oscars for the Coens, as well as a statue for first-time winner Javier Bardem, in the role of the cold-blooded killer with no remorse who eliminated everything in his path. You know, kind of like how Cole Hamels pitched in the postseason. Oh yeah, and both team and movie took home the big prize (This is the only time in this column I’ll use that one. But now you see how this is going to work).
2007- Best Picture: The Departed World Series: Boston Red Sox
This one just writes itself. Departed takes place in Boston, the Red Sox (obviously) play in Boston. Mark Wahlberg plays a crazy, borderline psycho cop in the mold of Dustin Pedroia or Kevin Youkilis, Jack Nicholson is just as loony as Manny… the only way this could have been more perfect would be if the Sox hadn’t won it all in 2004, meaning this would be their first World Series win since 1918... The same year Martin Scorsese won his first Oscar. That would have made this theory bullet-proof.
2006- Best Picture: Crash World Series: St. Louis Cardinals.
So here’s your first chance to see if I can write about the Tigers and not show bias. Here goes… nobody expected either this movie or this team to win. The Cardinals limped into the playoffs, and were an afterthought going against a Detroit team that had depth in pitching, hitting, and apparently errors. Crash was a movie that decried racism and stereotypes… that was built on racism and stereotypes. Plus, nearly every critic in America was calling Brokeback Mountain the best movie of the year. So they were both pretty large upsets. I’m giving the edge to Crash in terms of the size of the upset, if only because of the look on Jack Nicholson’s face right after he opened the envelope and read its contents. If I live to be 100, I don’t think I’ll ever forget that look. And as a bonus reason, Crash beat a movie about cowboys, and the Cardinals beat a team managed by the only man in the country who possibly smokes more than the Marlboro man. This is not to insinuate that Jim Leyland is gay (he isn’t), it’s just that smoking+deep, husky voice=Marlboro Man=cowboys. So logically, it makes sense that 2006 was not a good year for cowboys. And my theory sits at 3 for 3. Albeit barely.
2005- Best Picture: Million Dollar Baby World Series: Chicago White Sox
Hm… the first tricky one. I guess the easiest way to connect these two would be to say that I’m sure there were a lot of Cubs fans who felt like Maggie after Billie “The Blue Bear” paralyzes her… they just wanted Frankie to pull the plug and end the suffering. But that’s thin. Thicker is to say that the same year the White Sox won their first World Series sine the Black Sox scandal, Morgan Freeman won his first Academy Award (which still blows my mind. Not that he won it, because he definitely deserved it. But the fact that it took him that long to get an Oscar is almost as bad as the Scorsese Drought). Possibly thickest is to say that each featured a cantankerous manager (Clint Eastwood, Ozzie Guillen) unafraid to speak their mind, who coaxed an amazing, masterful performance out of his actors/players, and ultimately delivered a terrific, championship movie/season. But that would mean equating Clint Eastwood with Ozzie Guillen, and I’m just not sure that I’m prepared to do that. So I’ll take the loss on this one.
End of Column Score: 3-1
Total Score: 3-1
Next Time: Find out what the Florida Marlins have to do with singing, dancing female prisoners and Richard Gere as a sleazy lawyer in 1920s Chicago…
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